Venting

Today when I woke up, I felt something heavy pressing on me. Could be the supression I am holding that result in such state of emotion. What happen next was when I had a dialogue with my dad and he was pouring out his worrisome stuffs onto me, about how he felt about Lynn and I going M&Y and how he will lose a great deal of stuffs. Worry worry worry and anger anger anger built up every single fucking day. I am damn fucking tired of all this. What the fuck! Everyone wants his/her way especailly in work! Fucking hell, I am sick and tired of all this fucking shit.Always have to think of others and yes its good but how about ME? Me me me? Why am I treating myself this way? Man, got to be fair to me man bro! Just 2 weeks ago, everything seems floating and overwhelming with so much happiness and love! And now 2 weeks later, also overwhelming but with anger, sadness, disappointment. Its so fucking contrast on how one person can have such state of emotion and feelings within such short period. Its pretty extreme too! Anyhow, I am still grateful to have such feelings because I experience it with acknowledgement and at least I know how to handle such feelings should I encounter it again.

I am tired of what I am facing in my company. I am not enjoying and yet letting people pushing me around with their knowledge. To me, their life is work and home! No education, no exercising, no self-empowerment. Only drinking, smoking, spending money, go holidaying and thats it! I have a different set of belief and I have a choice! I miss those days that I was up on the stage teaching participants BC and I am so proud of it. Could be a calling that I want to go back to that industry part time and at the same time brain storming other stuffs. I enjoyed myself when I did the intro in EAP and yes I am committed. I felt happy when I talked to people and asking their needs and challenges. I still remembered I sold my first NAC tickets in ED and that was one of the greatest feeling ever! Sales! I must push myself harder and that kind of support needs to be 100% from hmm.... maybe my dad. He is very concern and caring, yet I feel I need to 'go' ahead with my life and DECIDE for myself and not anyone else's expectation or hope. I must MAKE it!